Crumbling Strength
by obsessedwithstabler
Summary: As a cop, he should have known that there was never as much time as he thought.


A short Lassiter introspection inspired by Backstreet Boy's Incomplete (also used at the end of the story). Major character death warning. Enjoy.

Disclaimer: Not mine!

PsychPsychPsychPsychPsych

Carlton Lassiter was a strong man.

Ever since he was a young boy, he had been strong. He supposed that it started when his father left, and he needed to be strong for his mother. He had to be strong to become a cop, and then he'd had to be strong for his ex-wife, Victoria. And when Shawn Spencer waltzed into his life and essentially destroyed his relationship with his partner, he had to be strong to deal with the fallout.

And then, he had to be strong when he realized that he was in love with his new partner, Juliet O'Hara.

From the moment he met her, he knew that he cared about her. At first, it was more of a mentor thing. She was young and inexperienced, and he slid easily into the role of teacher. Even at his hardest moments, she didn't cry or break. Instead she pushed back with a strength that often surprised him. She challenged him and rose above any expectation he might have had.

But most importantly, with her, he didn't have to be strong all of the time. When he least expected it, she became a source of strength to him, something that was entirely foreign to him. But he learned to accept the help, something he had never done with anyone before her. Not even his wife.

Her badge lay in the palm of his hand, and he realized that his thumb was moving slowly over the shield. On his desk there was a box filled with her things, and his heart clenched again.

He took her presence for granted. He was in love with her, but he never said a word because he just assumed there would always be time. Even when she started dating Spencer, in the back of his mind he knew it would end sooner or later, and he would have his chance. Even if she laughed in his face, he would tell her. She would know.

As a cop, he should have known that there was never as much time as he thought.

"Carlton?"

The chief's voice broke through his self-deprecating thoughts, and he closed his fingers around Juliet's badge. "Yes, Chief?"

She rested a gentle hand on his shoulder. "It's time."

His shoulders stiffened. She didn't have to remind him. All around him, everyone was wearing their dress blues. That only happened when one of their own was taken. "I know, Chief."

"Come on. You'll ride with me."

He looked up and belatedly realized that the room was empty. Everyone else had already left. "Just…give me a minute?"

"I'll be downstairs." Karen gave him a sad look before leaving him alone at his desk.

Once he was certain she was gone, he slid Juliet's badge into his pocket. Then he rested his large hand over his breast pocket, where a small photo was hidden away from prying eyes. It was of them at the last softball game they had played, when they had scored the winning play together and she had jumped into his arms and kissed his cheek. She didn't give a damn who saw, but McNab had managed to capture the moment with his camera. Everyone was filthy, but their expressions clearly said that they weren't aware of anyone but each other. He had a larger copy of the picture in a frame on his wall. Almost all of the pictures in his home had Juliet in them.

It was all he had left now.

His eyes began to burn, and a single tear rolled down his cheek before he quickly wiped it away. All of his life, he had been strong. And he would continue to be strong, until he was alone in his apartment, locked away from the world with a bottle of Jack. Then and only then would he mourn his loss.

"I'm so sorry, Juliet."

He placed the box in his draw and locked it away from prying eyes. His grief was almost all-consuming, and it was taking every shred of strength he had left to keep himself together. But he would, because it was all he knew.

Breathing deeply, he stepped away from their desks, pausing long enough to touch her chair. Then he steeled himself to face the world outside. A world that Juliet was no longer in, and a world he wasn't sure he wanted to be in without her.

"I love you."

_I try to go on like I never knew you_

_I'm awake, but my world is half-asleep_

_I pray for this heart to be unbroken_

_But without you, all I'm going to be is incomplete_

The End.


End file.
